John Gordon: The Man, The Myth, The Legend

Discussion in 'Real World Racing Discussion' started by Fullhouse, Feb 26, 2018.

  1. Fullhouse

    Fullhouse Armchair Racer

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    Legends tell of a legendary man of legends, an unstoppable driving force who would one day debut into Formula 1 and change the course of racing forever. His name of course, is John Gordon. You may not have heard of him, but there is no ignoring his legendary-ness. But where did he come from? How did he get so talented and win all those gold medals?

    John Gordon’s story starts not in carting, but in the small Amish town of Intercourse. He was born in 1973 and raised on a bean farm, but it quickly became clear that Gordon was no farmer. He showed a remarkable aptitude for guns, and before long he became a very well known Amish gun enthusiast.

    Sadly, John Gordon soon fell into financial hardship, and turned to the bottle. The years that followed showed Gordon getting arrested multiple times for indecent exposure. However, after he was forced to spend a night in jail for an incident involving a shotgun, a cat, and Velcro, John decided to clean himself up and take another swing at a life.

    Naturally, John Gordon found himself gravitating towards soapbox racing. As with gunning, he quickly became well known within the soapbox community, and before long he started to rack up wins in both the downhill and uphill championships. Soon, he started to become publicly known, and in 2007 he drew the attention of Ferrari. Ferrari, seeing the raw talent John Gordon displayed, offered him an 8 year contract to race for them in Formula 1.

    Fast forward a couple years, and John Gordon has become a household name thanks to his amazing racing skills, and legendary hair, all at the young age of 21. Not just as a racer either, he shows a remarkable sense for mechanical engineering, and singlehandedly invented and developed the DRS (Drive Really Speedy) system. All this despite dropping out of school in grade 7 after three failed attempts at passing. John Gordon has proven that even someone as stupid as he is can succeed in Formula 1, and he stands as inspiration to idiots everywhere.

    While John Gordon is undoubtedly a huge success, he hasn’t forgotten his roots. When not racing for Ferrari, you can find him at his very own large corn farm in Alaska, tilling the soil or tinkering with his favorite 12 gauge. Not bad for an Amish gun enthusiast!

    We salute you, John Gordon, and look forward to seeing you in the next season of Formula 1!
     
  2. Fullhouse

    Fullhouse Armchair Racer

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    If anyone else has some John Gordon facts they would like to add, feel free to here!
     
  3. WilliamSRP

    WilliamSRP Pretends to Know What He's Talking About Staff Member

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    The origin of John Gordon:



    1:03:52 mark
     

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